LVC took round one of the BSHL playoffs last Sunday, beating out a heart-filled Dick Wolf squad 5-0 & 3-0 in game 1 & 2 respectively. Hey Dick Wolf… we love you guys.

Round two sees a shortened LVC bench facing off against the Purple Cobras… a team seated 3rd in the Eastern conference during regular season play.

Here goes round 2…

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Week 1: Game Reports

Game 1: LVC vs Lockport Gambino Ford (W 1-0 SO)

The BSHL season kicked off Sunday for the crew when they faced the expansion franchise Lockport Gambino Ford. After the ’07 season’s hot start was interrupted by a mid-season lull (that led to a second-round exit from the playoffs), the crew were anxious to wash the foul stench of losing (and alcohol from the resultant lonely nights) off their breath and get a few quick W’s. With rookie Owen Puttock taking the blue-line behind Puttock Sr, Downs & Ozolins, and backed by second-year stud tender Matt Montour, the lineup was looking better than ever.

I originally wrote a horrible synopsis for the game, but since then, I’ve both hilighted and deleted the loaf of shit. This game was pretty goddamn slow. Not a lot happened. We might have had 5 or 6 shots on net, but, ultimately, this puppy went to a shootout and both Andrew & Matty took a potting trip into the goalie’s secret garden. Enough said.

SO:

Andrew – Goal

Chris – Miss

Matt – Goal

Game 2: LVC vs Smoke Show (W 2-1 SO)

Once again, pretty slow game in keeping theme with week 1. #9 managed to put Smoke Show tender Brownson on his backside and easily slip a goal in on the right side. Ellsworth, of the SS, potted an old-school backhand-forehand deke just under Montour’s glove late to bring this match to, you got it, a shootout. This time, Ozolins and Downs raped and pillaged Mayer Brownson’s Twine-city to take the Crew’s second shootout victory of the afternoon.

Chris Ozolins (unassisted)

SO:

Chris – Goal

Andrew – Miss

Matt – Goal

Week 2: Game Reports

Game 3: LVC vs Burlington Schlitz (W 5-0)

We scored a lot of goals+Montour shut the door+they were shorthanded=mercy

Chris (Andrew)

Andrew (Chris)

Chris (Owen)

Andrew (Chris)

Owen (Andrew)

Game 4: LVC vs Meatheads (W 5-0)

You know the math.

Adrian (Chris)

Adrian (Chris)

Adrian (Owen)

Andrew (Adrian)

Adrian (Andrew)

Week 3: Game Reports

Game 5: LVC vs NHL ’94 (L 5-0)

We were really shorthanded+Owen is not a professional tender+Foyzee? Foyzee? Beuhler?=mercy

No Scoring

Game 6: LVC vs Pirates (L 3-2)

We actually played, probably, the best we have yet. Andrew was remarkable in net and team defense was, in my opinion, the most solid I’ve ever seen it in my BSHL years. Imagine what we could do with 4 men versus the Pirates.

Chris (unassisted)

Owen (Chris)

Week 4: Game Reports

Game 7: LVC vs Meatheads (W 3-1)

Smeh game. #9 was sidetracked, impressing the ladies.

Adrian (Chris)

Chris (Owen)

Chris (unassisted)

Game 8: LVC vs Reapers (W 2-1)

2 penalty shots, none of them goals. Ouch. Owen almost killed somebody.

Adrian (Chris)

Owen (Chris)

Week 5: Game Reports


Game 9:
LVC vs Cobras (L 3-2 SO)

Really solid effort this week. #9 one-timed a sweet cross-crease dish from Puttock Sr. and Downs sniped gloveside with a rocket from about 20 feet out. LVC was held scoreless in the SO by rookie tender McKeag, and as a result, were downed in a shootout for only the second time in 10 tries. Not bad, there’s still one more meeting with the Cobras this year, word in Vegas is we’ll take it.

Chris (Andrew)

Matt (Unassisted)

SO:

Andrew – Miss

Chris – Miss

Matt – Miss

Mark Hildebrand, Seppie Mulholland, Ryan McKeag and Graham Smith were all involved in what onlookers best described as a “street brawl” Tuesday evening. The group were dispassionately leaving the Rogers Center yesterday following a heartbreaking Jays 9th inning loss to the Oakland A’s when a shady group of frat boys managed to catch their attention. #13 on the NHL ’94 squad, Hildebrand, turned around to accost an individual after sensing a little bro-hostility, only to be greeted with a smile-shattering left hook. The groups then came together, trading punches and black eyes until the fraternity brothers chose to flee the scene, lest the police arrive and decide to press charges. The only casualty of the brawl ended up being Mark’s smile and a few raw knuckles. What’s the moral of this BSHL tale? Invite Wilko to the next Jays game.

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The Pirates have formally announced the signing of their 6th & 7th members for ’08, goaltender Evan Burns and an unnamed FA forward. Contract details, as reported by TSN.com: “Details are vague, but the contract likely includes commitment to Burns as the #1 goaltender and performance-based incentives”. Details on the unnamed forward will be updated as information is released. This signing also marks the official detenderization of Jon Greenway, moving up out of the crease to forward. Big changes in the Buc’s camp means new chemistry, requiring a foundation that, fingers-crossed for the squad, won’t take long to establish. When asked for comment, Greenway responded “I’m tired of being beat cheese, it’s about time I hacked some Swiss of my own”. Burns, with a 14-6 record in ’06, plans to build on his 5-21 off-year in ’07 with improved defense and guidance from newly acquired Pirate goaltending coach, Jeff Hackett. Final thoughts, from Pirate GM Chris Helmers: “Eyaaar!”.

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The Lakeview Crew managed to all but eliminate any shot the Whalers had at the preseason finals Sunday night. This match would ultimately decide which team was to move on towards the ‘ship and which would go home. The Whalers (composed of players from NHL ’94, Purple Cobras and Dick Wolf) were put down early when #47, Owen Puttock, potted a quick one-timer between Whalers’ keeper Mark Harris’ legs 27 seconds into the game. LVC’s second goal was scored by the checking line’s #17 on a jam play. The Whalers’ #10 then sniped blocker-side to make the score 2-1 LVC. The next goal came after #9 Ozolins took 3 Whalers players on his back in Crosby-esque fashion before dropping to defenseman Denis Savard for a point shot that was tipped, rebounded and then finally potted, as if he were Mr.Smyth in the flesh, by #19 Andrew Puttock. #17, Tozer, then scored another goal for LVC to make the score 4-1. LVC’s final goal was scored when Ozolins picked off a Whalers breakout pass and pulled the tender out of position with a wind-up before dishing off a saucer to the eldest Puttock who proceeded to pull backhand cross-crease and pot his second goal of the game (and 4th in the last 2) past a sprawling Harris. The Whalers were able to close the gap and tender Harris played stellar in the third, but it was too little, too late, the score ending up 5-3 in favour of the Crew. Again, the chemistry between the first line appears to be escalating exponentially as the 3 log more and more time with each other.

Of note: The Puttock brothers and Ozolins were a combined +9 on the evening, owning the offensive zone and absent from the ice on all 3 Whalers’ goals.

Box Score:

Owen Puttock (Greg Fischer)

Jared Tozer (Terry Post)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

Andrew Puttock (Denis Savard)

Jared Tozer (Chris Curtis)

Andrew Puttock (Chris Ozolins)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

Rumor Mill: Bidding War?

March 10, 2008

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Brandon Dryden, pictured here suiting up for an 07′ match, is said to have recently become the object of a BSHL bidding war between the Flying Hellfish and Pirates. His loyalties seem to lie with the fish, however, the alluring scent of the freshly renovated Pirate squad may lead Dryden ala Pepe Le Peu towards a one-year deal. Further speculation lies with yet another goaltender being pursued by the Pirates, Evan Burns, of the 07′ “Rock N’ Rollers”. Burns seems to be an unrestricted FA pending the re-emergence of the “Chronic” franchise, as Captain Borland’s hand has now fully healed from last year’s unfortunate pre season mishap. The situation between the Pirates’ pipes, as well as Dryden’s loyalties, will be updated as further information is attained.

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Abandon all ships! Is this dynasty dying? One can only imagine the sense of panic that must have coursed through Beasts’ captain Vasilios “Billy” Michalopoulos’ head when he discovered that the Purple Cobras’ rental of Ryan “The Grinch” McKeag for the Fall classic would be more than temporary. 3-time champs (yes, that’s EVERY year), the Beasts have never really been exposed to this sort of controversy before, knowing that they now have a weakness and a void to fill. With half of the league’s best defense missing, there’s a large pair of skates to fill on the Beasts’ blue line, and apparently it shows. Acting as the local sleuth, McKeag has now taken up the role of devil’s advocate , inciting chaos within the Beasts’ camp. With everything from captaincy being challenged to fruitless player pursuits, one must question the actual impact the Beasts can make this year. Is it Beasts or bust?

Update: The Beast have signed Les Honywill and Stirling Crawford to supplement the McKeag loss. Current plans for the two are unknown, however, it is rumored that Les is simply a secret playoff weapon. Also of note, Tim “Sniper” Zabransky has taken the reigns as acting Beasts captain to allow for Michalopoulos to focus on his now enlarged defensive role.

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Shake & Bake (formerly the “Smoke Show”) have come to terms with Matt “Cottage” Klevinas for the 08′ season. At this time, contract details have not been released, however, it is believed the deal involves a no-trade clause and production incentives. This marks the 3rd club the speedy forward has played with in the last 2 seasons (formerly of “The Pirates” and “District 5”). Klevinas could not be reached for comment.

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Dick Wolf GM Derek Biro has reached an agreement with sharpshooter Kris “One-Time” Halinen for his services in 08′. Halinen, formerly of the 06′ “Terror” had been placed on the IR last year due to a work-related injury but has fully recovered in the off-season, even successfully growing a respectable mustache for posterity. When asked to comment on the signing, Halinen warned “Bar-down, it’s the only way I know”.

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Former member of “Smoke Show”, Steve Hopmans has signed an exclusive 1-year deal with the Pirates of the BSHL. Contract details are not known at this time, however Hopmans has begun his career off on the right foot with a few strong chirps directed towards the Beast and LVC. When approached for comment, Hopmans responded with “Eeyar!”.