Name: Camilla Belle

Age: 21

Most Famous for: When a Stranger Calls, 10000 BC

So, I watched 10,000 BC today… Con: The movie is horrible… Pro: Camilla Belle could be found hidden in this piece of garbage. Now, at first, I did think it was especially out of place to have a Neanderthal with perfectly shaped eyebrows and a smokin’ bod, but I later came to understand that she probably foresaw us, the members of LVC, watching the movie, and was just keeping up to the preconceived standards we’d have for her. Well Camilla, it’s okay to let your hair down around here. We’re not going to judge you for being “homely” when you’re still a smokin’ babe. Throw a t-shirt on, bring a lawn chair down to the Canadian Tire and crack a Rickard’s White while you watch your favourite squad snipe some cheese.

Chosen By: Chris

Name: Mandy Moore

Age: 24

Most Famous for: Recording artist, role as Jamie Sullivan in A Walk to Remember

I was enjoying a couple adult beverages the other night while trying to think of a fitting ‘Weekly’ when all of a sudden it hit me harder than a blind-side from Matty Downs (keep your heads up boys). I glanced up at the plasma televisions littered throughout the bar and whose mug should I see plastered all over them? None other than America’s sweetheart Mandy Moore taking in some MMA action at the Bell Centre. Fit, cute, multi-talented, rich *AND* into the UFC…enough said. That girl can put me in a rear-naked chokehold any day.

Chosen By: Owen

*Owen sent me a doozie of a weekly this week which maeutically led me not only to re-appreciate Mandy Moore for being SUCH a babe, but start adding the weeklies to the main page feed. They’ll still all be in the weekly archive [tab on navigation bar] but now you’ll also get your weekly dose of golden honey in the feed (and if you subscribe to the blog via RSS, of which there are apparently 14 people?).

Mark Hildebrand, Seppie Mulholland, Ryan McKeag and Graham Smith were all involved in what onlookers best described as a “street brawl” Tuesday evening. The group were dispassionately leaving the Rogers Center yesterday following a heartbreaking Jays 9th inning loss to the Oakland A’s when a shady group of frat boys managed to catch their attention. #13 on the NHL ’94 squad, Hildebrand, turned around to accost an individual after sensing a little bro-hostility, only to be greeted with a smile-shattering left hook. The groups then came together, trading punches and black eyes until the fraternity brothers chose to flee the scene, lest the police arrive and decide to press charges. The only casualty of the brawl ended up being Mark’s smile and a few raw knuckles. What’s the moral of this BSHL tale? Invite Wilko to the next Jays game.

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The LVC would like to wish one of its founding members the most fantastic birthday. Andrew L. Puttock, born March 25th, 1985. We wish you all the best buddy, another year wiser, bound to account for 3-5 more snipes/season minimum. Check the weekly section to see what he’s asked for!

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The Pirates have formally announced the signing of their 6th & 7th members for ’08, goaltender Evan Burns and an unnamed FA forward. Contract details, as reported by TSN.com: “Details are vague, but the contract likely includes commitment to Burns as the #1 goaltender and performance-based incentives”. Details on the unnamed forward will be updated as information is released. This signing also marks the official detenderization of Jon Greenway, moving up out of the crease to forward. Big changes in the Buc’s camp means new chemistry, requiring a foundation that, fingers-crossed for the squad, won’t take long to establish. When asked for comment, Greenway responded “I’m tired of being beat cheese, it’s about time I hacked some Swiss of my own”. Burns, with a 14-6 record in ’06, plans to build on his 5-21 off-year in ’07 with improved defense and guidance from newly acquired Pirate goaltending coach, Jeff Hackett. Final thoughts, from Pirate GM Chris Helmers: “Eyaaar!”.

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The Lakeview Crew managed to all but eliminate any shot the Whalers had at the preseason finals Sunday night. This match would ultimately decide which team was to move on towards the ‘ship and which would go home. The Whalers (composed of players from NHL ’94, Purple Cobras and Dick Wolf) were put down early when #47, Owen Puttock, potted a quick one-timer between Whalers’ keeper Mark Harris’ legs 27 seconds into the game. LVC’s second goal was scored by the checking line’s #17 on a jam play. The Whalers’ #10 then sniped blocker-side to make the score 2-1 LVC. The next goal came after #9 Ozolins took 3 Whalers players on his back in Crosby-esque fashion before dropping to defenseman Denis Savard for a point shot that was tipped, rebounded and then finally potted, as if he were Mr.Smyth in the flesh, by #19 Andrew Puttock. #17, Tozer, then scored another goal for LVC to make the score 4-1. LVC’s final goal was scored when Ozolins picked off a Whalers breakout pass and pulled the tender out of position with a wind-up before dishing off a saucer to the eldest Puttock who proceeded to pull backhand cross-crease and pot his second goal of the game (and 4th in the last 2) past a sprawling Harris. The Whalers were able to close the gap and tender Harris played stellar in the third, but it was too little, too late, the score ending up 5-3 in favour of the Crew. Again, the chemistry between the first line appears to be escalating exponentially as the 3 log more and more time with each other.

Of note: The Puttock brothers and Ozolins were a combined +9 on the evening, owning the offensive zone and absent from the ice on all 3 Whalers’ goals.

Box Score:

Owen Puttock (Greg Fischer)

Jared Tozer (Terry Post)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

Andrew Puttock (Denis Savard)

Jared Tozer (Chris Curtis)

Andrew Puttock (Chris Ozolins)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

Whalers (Some Jerk)

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The LVC would like to formally announce the signing of their final player, Adrian Kenderic, to an exclusive 2-year deal. Ink was put to paper Sunday evening and both parties seemed very pleased with the terms. This is Adrian’s second year with the club as he was an original member of the expansion franchise in ’06 (The Giants). Kenderic took personal leave last year, but is returning in Neidermayer-esque fashion to help his squad’s push towards BSHL glory. When asked to comment, Kenderic expressed “I’m very excited to get back out on the asphalt with these guys. I couldn’t dream of playing with another team and genuinely feel we have a shot at the title this year.” Onlookers described Brandon Lee, who was present at the contract signing, as “visibly rattled”.

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The Lakeview Crew managed to beat the Bruins 4-2 in preseason play Sunday evening.The game took place at the Wave double rinks and involved the Puttock brothers and captain Ozolins. The first goal was scored by the eldest brother after receiving a trailer-pass from Ozolins and tucking his own rebound in under the sprawling keeper. The second tally came in the form of a slap shot from Ozolins blasted over the tender’s blocker, top cheese, from 30 feet out. The third goal was a product of Andrew’s quick hands in front of the net, potting a rebound from his sibling. The final goal was a beautifully executed cross-crease saucer pass that Owen neatly placed in the back of the goal. I won’t go into much depth with the 2 goals against, as none of the trio were on the ice at the time, combining for a +10 overall rating on the evening. One can only imagine what is to come with the three clicking this well, this early into the preseason.

Of note: Curious onlookers may have noticed a freshly signed 6th member of LVC in attendance, but only to support his squad.

Box Score:

Bruins (Some Jerk)

Andrew Puttock (Chris Ozolins)

Chris Ozolins (Terry Post)

Bruins (Some Jerk)

Andrew Puttock (Owen Puttock)

Owen Puttock (Chris Ozolins)

Rumor Mill: Bidding War?

March 10, 2008

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Brandon Dryden, pictured here suiting up for an 07′ match, is said to have recently become the object of a BSHL bidding war between the Flying Hellfish and Pirates. His loyalties seem to lie with the fish, however, the alluring scent of the freshly renovated Pirate squad may lead Dryden ala Pepe Le Peu towards a one-year deal. Further speculation lies with yet another goaltender being pursued by the Pirates, Evan Burns, of the 07′ “Rock N’ Rollers”. Burns seems to be an unrestricted FA pending the re-emergence of the “Chronic” franchise, as Captain Borland’s hand has now fully healed from last year’s unfortunate pre season mishap. The situation between the Pirates’ pipes, as well as Dryden’s loyalties, will be updated as further information is attained.

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Abandon all ships! Is this dynasty dying? One can only imagine the sense of panic that must have coursed through Beasts’ captain Vasilios “Billy” Michalopoulos’ head when he discovered that the Purple Cobras’ rental of Ryan “The Grinch” McKeag for the Fall classic would be more than temporary. 3-time champs (yes, that’s EVERY year), the Beasts have never really been exposed to this sort of controversy before, knowing that they now have a weakness and a void to fill. With half of the league’s best defense missing, there’s a large pair of skates to fill on the Beasts’ blue line, and apparently it shows. Acting as the local sleuth, McKeag has now taken up the role of devil’s advocate , inciting chaos within the Beasts’ camp. With everything from captaincy being challenged to fruitless player pursuits, one must question the actual impact the Beasts can make this year. Is it Beasts or bust?

Update: The Beast have signed Les Honywill and Stirling Crawford to supplement the McKeag loss. Current plans for the two are unknown, however, it is rumored that Les is simply a secret playoff weapon. Also of note, Tim “Sniper” Zabransky has taken the reigns as acting Beasts captain to allow for Michalopoulos to focus on his now enlarged defensive role.