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The Pirates have formally announced the signing of their 6th & 7th members for ’08, goaltender Evan Burns and an unnamed FA forward. Contract details, as reported by TSN.com: “Details are vague, but the contract likely includes commitment to Burns as the #1 goaltender and performance-based incentives”. Details on the unnamed forward will be updated as information is released. This signing also marks the official detenderization of Jon Greenway, moving up out of the crease to forward. Big changes in the Buc’s camp means new chemistry, requiring a foundation that, fingers-crossed for the squad, won’t take long to establish. When asked for comment, Greenway responded “I’m tired of being beat cheese, it’s about time I hacked some Swiss of my own”. Burns, with a 14-6 record in ’06, plans to build on his 5-21 off-year in ’07 with improved defense and guidance from newly acquired Pirate goaltending coach, Jeff Hackett. Final thoughts, from Pirate GM Chris Helmers: “Eyaaar!”.

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The LVC would like to formally announce the signing of their final player, Adrian Kenderic, to an exclusive 2-year deal. Ink was put to paper Sunday evening and both parties seemed very pleased with the terms. This is Adrian’s second year with the club as he was an original member of the expansion franchise in ’06 (The Giants). Kenderic took personal leave last year, but is returning in Neidermayer-esque fashion to help his squad’s push towards BSHL glory. When asked to comment, Kenderic expressed “I’m very excited to get back out on the asphalt with these guys. I couldn’t dream of playing with another team and genuinely feel we have a shot at the title this year.” Onlookers described Brandon Lee, who was present at the contract signing, as “visibly rattled”.

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Shake & Bake (formerly the “Smoke Show”) have come to terms with Matt “Cottage” Klevinas for the 08′ season. At this time, contract details have not been released, however, it is believed the deal involves a no-trade clause and production incentives. This marks the 3rd club the speedy forward has played with in the last 2 seasons (formerly of “The Pirates” and “District 5”). Klevinas could not be reached for comment.

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Dick Wolf GM Derek Biro has reached an agreement with sharpshooter Kris “One-Time” Halinen for his services in 08′. Halinen, formerly of the 06′ “Terror” had been placed on the IR last year due to a work-related injury but has fully recovered in the off-season, even successfully growing a respectable mustache for posterity. When asked to comment on the signing, Halinen warned “Bar-down, it’s the only way I know”.

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Former member of “Smoke Show”, Steve Hopmans has signed an exclusive 1-year deal with the Pirates of the BSHL. Contract details are not known at this time, however Hopmans has begun his career off on the right foot with a few strong chirps directed towards the Beast and LVC. When approached for comment, Hopmans responded with “Eeyar!”.